As always when I give a tarot reading, I try my best to stay positive, but when I saw that my Theme of the Year card was The Tower, I have to admit I was nervous. The Tower depicts lightning striking a burning building and people falling out of the windows; not exactly what you’d call a cheerful image. I immediately knew it was going to be a rough year, and it did not disappoint. I lost my health insurance which led me to run out of my medications, I got sick/ injured a ton, many people I love spent a fair share of their time in the hospital, and my beloved cat, Stinky, passed away. While the Universal Energies/Ancestors/The Tower definitely kicked my ass, there is a bright side to this card and situation; The destruction and razing of one element leaves space and opportunity to build anew, higher and stronger.
Perhaps the best way this was demonstrated this past year was in therapy. Many people believe a spiritual or mental awakening looks like a sudden, beautiful epiphany but that is usually unlikely. Growth is ugly and unpleasant. Expansion is achieved through pressure, hard work, and likely a large amount of tears. I learned that self-care isn’t just warm baths and treat-yourself themed outings, but it’s also being brutally honest with yourself about your habits and coping-skills you’ve learned over the years that no longer serve you. Being honest with myself has been extremely difficult but has improved my life drastically; I’ve caught my patterns of people-pleasing, stopped impulses to break-down when times have been tough, and I’ve become aware of my tendency to go mute rather than communicating my concerns. The most important thing I’ve learned is that I’m not broken; I am whole.
I am thankful for the challenges 2019 dealt me and I’m ready for a new hand. Here’s to 2020!
Bonus-List of Awesome Things that Happened in 2019:
Stay-cation while Dog/House-sitting
Settled into new job
Taught tons of Yoga and Meditation classes
Went to Renaissance Faire
Got a new car, thanks to my grandparents!
Saw tons of live music, including Herbie Hancock, Kamasi Washington, and Snarky Puppy
Saw the dentist
3-year anniversary with Emmanuel!
Read tons of beautiful tarot spreads
Went to therapy biweekly
Hung out with family and friends
Read 33 books
Put in notice at work to focus on yoga, meditation, tarot and most importantly, mental health!