I've grown up in a world that puts bandaids on issues rather than healing the source of the wound. Depressed? Here's a pill. Is your child crying? Punish them and make them be quiet. Hate your corporate job? Keep working, you'll be promoted eventually. The thing is, after a while you'll realize that you're still depressed, your child doesn't trust you with their emotions anymore, and you're still stuck in a dead-end job. In order to fix a problem, you have to go to the root of the issue.
For me, my main issue has been my health, both physical and mental. In high school I started seeing a therapist, which is probably the closest thing to spiritual healing you can do without being overtly spiritual. Therapy had helped me through some of my roughest times, but once I was done, I stopped working on my mental health. I continued taking my medications, ignored all issues, and pretended like nothing bad had ever happened to me. But the pills would fix everything, right??? Of course not.
As time went on, things got worse. I started to develop anxiety around men and I didnt like to leave the house unless necessary. I knew that this was wrong, that this kind of life was not for me. I loved the outdoors, had men in my life who I trusted and loved, and I knew that my future would be bright. I had given all of my strength away to people who didn't deserve it, and I was done.
I got started immediately with therapy since I knew that my anxiety with men was the most important thing for me to overcome. I started actively watching myself and my reactions in certain situations and began attempting to rewire my brain. I focused on the realization that I had way more power in any situation than I gave myself credit for. I then started picking up my spiritual practice, meditating, reading my cards here and there, praticipating in group magick, and going out in nature as often as I could. This step was essential since it gave me the daily practice of reflecting on my purpose on this planet and living each day purposefully. Next, I began working on my career. I quit my retail job, I started applying to yoga jobs again, volunteering with Yoga for Recovery, and networking with other instructors. Things had been improving, but there was still a lot of work to do.
Of course, right as my work started to pick up, I woke up one morning to ordain a wedding when a horrible sickness rushed over me. The sickness lasted for weeks, keeping me unble to work. I went to doctors and they tried to give me a prescription antacid and an anti-nausea medication since they didn't know what was wrong. Just another bandaid. I was hopeless; I felt all of my work was for nothing.
Luckily, the universe had been looking out for me and sent me two lovely humans who would help me out. The first, was my boyfriend's mom, Angela. Tired of seeing me sick and sad that she couldn't help, she paid for me to see a Chinese Medicine doctor. The second awesome human was that doctor, Diane Miller. Diane gave me some pretty tough news: I could no longer bandaid my problems. I had to change my lifestyle, my diet, and the way I approached sickness. She gave me accupunture, guided me through meditative breathing, and gave me probiotics and stomach enzymes to help my digestion. Her approach to medicine was something I had never seen before; It was a spiritual practice. She has been seeing me for free since that first appointment, and I've only been mildly sick twice since I've seen her. My world began to shine bright again!
After all of these months of sadness, sickness, and healing I've discovered that working hard on yourself and your health truly pays off. These past two weeks I've been specifically spending time on things that make me happy; Helping others, reading Harry Potter, spending time with Emmanuel, kissing our cat Stinky, seeing friends, and working on my spiritual growth.
Healing is painful but it's worth the pain to free your brain.